Ultimatum

Science is great. Until someone decides to bolt a trigger onto a portable particle accelerator. Then science gets a little creepy.

Few remember that the Ultimatum started life as extremely high-tech and absurdly expensive laboratory equipment. That portable rig was supposed to help study the Simulation’s elementary particles and answer a lot of awkward questions about its inner workings. Now the only question it can answer is who’s right in the argument. Hint — the one holding this compact world-breaker is usually right.

Yes, it has a low rate of fire, and the recoil can temporarily rearrange the shooter’s insides. But the beam of destructive particles that blasts out of the barrel at near-light speed more than makes up for it. If you ask me, we’re all lucky those particles decay quickly and limit the effective radius. Otherwise there’d be a lot more through-holes in the Simulation’s planets.

One last tip: if you somehow get your hands on an Ultimatum, hold your breath while firing. Otherwise you risk inhaling not only a lungful of toxic exhaust, but — let’s say — a few bits of your opponent recently vaporized by the shot. Ew!