Ban Hammer

Behold — a massive hammer. Heavy-looking, intimidating, perfect for smashing just about anything in sight. At first glance, nothing particularly special. That’s where you’d be wrong.

The PGA has spent years — and an alarming amount of budget — trying to locate and securely contain the Ban Hammer within their vaults (with limited success so far). The reason lies in one very unusual property: the Ban Hammer possesses what researchers describe as relativistic mass. In simple terms, it can be swung with equal ease and efficiency by a towering muscle-bound brute… or by someone who struggles to lift a crate of ammo. The impact, however, remains equally persuasive.

But even that isn’t its most remarkable feature. The moment the Ban Hammer makes contact with its target, the unfortunate recipient is briefly “banished” from reality into a mysterious containment dimension. What exactly happens there — and how long the victim actually spends inside — remains unknown. The few “lucky” individuals who survived the experience refused to say a single word about what they saw in that place and begged for only one thing: a complete memory wipe. Nobody ever wants to go back.

So if you somehow end up in possession of a Ban Hammer, you have two sensible options. Either hand it over to the PGA for safekeeping… Or at the very least, don’t brag about it too loudly.